


Hold Me

by barnesdeservedbetter (steveharringtonofficial)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 08:42:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13004025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steveharringtonofficial/pseuds/barnesdeservedbetter
Summary: REQUEST: can you maybe write a sebastian x reader imagine where the reader and Seb are dating and the reader had been deployed to the army and comes back about a year later, but she happens to suffer from extreme PTSD? Please and Thank you!!





	Hold Me

**Author's Note:**

> I do not suffer from PTSD, nor do I know many people who do. This is most likely not an accurate representation of what it is like to live with PTSD. I tried to keep the actual facts to a minimal and have it focus more on Seb helping the reader get through it rather than large descriptions and acts.? I hope this is what you were looking for.

**One year, 2 months, 23 days ago**

“Seb?” You walked into your bedroom the two of you now shared. He was lying on the bed, reading a script for one of his new movies.

“What’s up, babe?” He questioned, looking up and settling his eyes on yours.

You held up the letter you had in your hand and watched as Sebastian’s expression changed from cheery to as if it was the end of the world.

“You have to leave?” He placed the script down and sat up on the side of the bed. You went to join him.

“I didn’t think it would actually happen, but yes. I have to leave.” You were happy that you were actually getting to serve your country for once, but leaving Sebastian, everything you had here behind, for God knows how long? You didn’t know if you could deal with that.

Sebastian wrapped his arms around you tightly and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “I’ll be waiting for you when you get back.”

“I know, Seb, I know.”

 

**Present Day**

You unlocked the front door to your house. It had this sweet, fresh smell you never realised you would miss. Taking a deep breath, you stepped in cautiously. You hadn’t seen Sebastian in over a year, you don’t know what could have changed. You hoped nothing had, but you never know. The smell of cinnamon hit you the further you walked into your home. “Sebastian?” You called out, wondering if he was home.

“I’m in the kitchen, doll.” You heard him shout. You had managed to tell him you’d be back home sometime today.

You walked to the kitchen after dropping your rucksack of little possessions they had allowed you to take with you in the lounge. You saw Sebastian finishing up hot chocolate, sprinkling cinnamon and chocolate on the whipped cream. “I made your favourite,” Sebastian smiled a warm smile at you and your heart melted as if it was the first time all over again.

You walked over to him and pulled him into a hug. He smelled like his favourite cologne, a familiar smell to you. His strong arms wrapped around you, holding you in an embrace for longer than you’d expected.

“[Y/N], are you okay?” He asked, bringing a hand up to stroke your now quite short hair. They made you cut it for being in the field, you hated it but it was for safety reasons.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” You felt fine, you were fine on the ride here, and on the plane. You knew some soldiers got a little panicky and whatnot after being out on the field for a long time, but you didn’t get that way that often.

Sebastian pulled away from you, his steel blue eyes locking to yours. He furrowed his brow slightly as if he was studying you, looking for change. “I was just making sure,” he said gently, before handing you your hot chocolate. You took a sip of it, the warmth melting right into your cold body. Sebastian laughed when you pulled the mug away from your mouth, leaving cream sitting on the tip of your nose. He wiped it away before kissing you gently on your forehead. Oh, how you missed that.

You and Sebastian sat for hours talking about the past year. He told you about the success of the Martian and Civil War and all about the new projects he was working on. It made you feel ten times happier to see him still so happy and as smiley as ever.

“Listen, you have to watch them. I’ll show you them tomorrow. Matt is insane in his role, and Civil War? Don’t get me started on that.” Sebastian laughed, you think. You found yourself spacing out slightly. You didn’t know whether it was just from lack of sleep or the hot chocolate or something else.

“Are you sure you’re okay, [Y/N]?” Sebastian questioned, laying his hand on your shoulder. But you jumped at the action and he pulled his hand away. You didn’t know what came over yourself.

“Yeah,” you started. “I think.”

He looked at you sympathetically, reaching to hold your hand. “Being on the battlefield can do strange things to people. You might get PTSD.”

“Don’t be silly, Seb.” Though now that he mentioned it, you realised it was possible. And you knew that. The thought terrified you.

“How about we go to bed? It’s getting late anyway and I think the rest could do you some good.” Maybe some sleep would do you good. You hadn’t really slept in a proper bed in over a year.

“Okay,” you said quietly.

You drifted into slumber whilst resting on Sebastian’s chest. You focused on the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest, you found that eased you and helped calm you down more. Sebastian’s warm arm around you gave you security, something you craved after so long.

You woke suddenly, jolting right up from your spot in the best. You were covered in sweat. You looked over at Sebastian to make sure you didn’t wake him. Walking over to your en-suite bathroom, you made sure not to make a noise. You leant over the sink in the brightly lit room, squinting slightly at yourself in the mirror. You couldn’t remember much, but you knew you had a nightmare. The sound of gunshots still rang through your ears, vague shouting. You ran the cold water and splashed in in your face a few times, trying to rid yourself of the awful feeling you now had in your stomach.

“[Y/N]?” Sebastian called. You sighed, you hoped not to wake him up.

“Yeah?” You called back, trying not to sound as exasperated as you were.

“Why are you up?” He brought himself to the door of the bathroom, leaning on the doorframe. You tried to focus on anything but the strong frame that stood in front of you.

“I just –“ you froze. You couldn’t think of a reason. “I had a nightmare,” you said in a defeated tone.

“Come here,” Sebastian said, opening his arms for you to fall into. You found yourself crying into his chest and his grip tightened on you. You didn’t know what was happening to you. “You’re gonna be okay, I promise.”

* * *

Fourth of July was tomorrow. You were dreading it. You didn’t like fireworks at the best of times, too noisy for your liking, but you didn’t know how it would affect you now.

“Okay, I have it all planned out. We’re gonna stay here,” Sebastian said excitedly.

“I like the sound of it already,” you laughed at him.

“I’m gonna get pizza and champagne.”

“That’s an odd combination, I hope that works.”

“It’ll work,” he grinned at you, placing a light kiss on your cheek before getting up from the sofa.

* * *

Fireworks are beautiful you realised. They’re bright, colourful, used for celebration. But you froze the second you heard them. Eyes wide, heart rate speeding up. You tried blocking it out yet you couldn’t. You couldn’t do anything. You couldn’t focus on the words Sebastian was speaking to you, only the sound of the fireworks sounding like gunshots on a battlefield. You were knocked out of your trance when he set his hand on your shoulder. You looked at him, your eyes glossed over with oncoming tears. Holding you closely, he rocked you gently back and forth, trying to calm you.

You didn’t want to close your eyes for fear you’d see flashbacks. That would only make things worse. Instead, you focused on the rhythm of the movement. You focused on how to drain out the noise by listening for small details in your home. The tick of a clock, the sound of Sebastian’s heart. Anything to stop you from thinking about the noise. He hummed gently and he rocked you back and forth, slowly lulling you to sleep. You didn’t think that was possible right now but he made you feel safe, like there was nothing to worry about in the entire world.

* * *

It had been months now and it wasn’t getting much better, in fact, you could say it had gotten worse. You had seen a doctor about it, but there wasn’t a lot he could do. He taught you how to calm yourself in a situation and what to do if you found yourself stuck. You needed to find ways of your own to help you get better since every person had it differently. You always knew you could count on Sebastian, though. Whenever you had an attack or were jaded by a situation, he would come to you, and do little things that would make everything seem better. Hold your hand, place an arm around you. He would even sing you to sleep after a nightmare.

Without Sebastian, you don’t know how much worse it could have been, if you would be in a better place than you were. But now, thanks to him and many other contributions, you’re slowly becoming yourself again.


End file.
